Fukitol

My hopes & dreams out weigh my reality. I can't seem to wrap my mind around being okay with waking up & going to work in the same place, hating what I do every single day, simply to say "I am a productive member of society". But this shitty sense of entitlement is wreaking havoc on my ability to see & understand that I may die without obtaining that which I desire. Clouding my judgement on matters of survival existence. In Buddhism: "desire and ignorance lie at the root of suffering". Well I am one wanting, ignorant, s.o.b.

I wish I could be completely satisfied working a nine to five, practicing obscene amounts of yuppie consumerism, living far beyond my means, surviving pay check to pay check, working the same job long for so long that the government tells me I can't work anymore....ever again...even if I loved what I did, owning a mobile device on a contract both of which cost more than a utility bill for a modest sized home, living off of credit cards, buying 4 dollar petrol, & cigarettes that cost more than the minimal wage.

I wish I could forget about trying to do something exciting, new, different, & amazing. I wish I could equate happiness with possessions, love with money, & sexual attraction with name brands. I wish I could be who some many peoples parents are today. And what so many peoples parents have turned them into.

Lol. I wish I was half of Royal Oak, MI.

But no. Fuck me. Fuck the way I think. Fuck what I see when I close my eyes. Fuck my dreams, goals, & ambitions. Fuck creativity & breaking away from normality. Fuck knowing that you're better than where you are currently, yet seeing no improvement in your position, & having no idea where you're going.

Fukitaol

Einstein didn't fail that math class. Newton didn't get hit with an apple. Han Solo used to be a repair man.

If it wasn't for luck/ blessing/ fate/ chance/ destiny/ divine intervention/ the Illuminati/ whatever. Awesome shit wouldn't happen. So I have a sense of entitlement. It blows. Some people know very well what it's like to pray to something you can't see & expect something cool to come from it. Others just don't want the child rebels to come through with machetes again.

Some humans have done more for our breed than others. Many more have died before they even got the chance to do any awesome. Others are still breathing & have contributed absolutely nothing.

Me?

I wanna be a great father, & a revolution leading rock star.

So far, nothings going as planned.

FML