How To Pick Up Women: Tl;dr

You know, I have never successfully picked up a woman? Sure, I have only tried a hand full of times in my 23 years of life, but still; I have never successfully hit on a woman. I know that the few people reading this are crying bullshit, but think about it. Who have I been with?

Sure some of you may have seen me “flirting”, but when you think about in terms of my personality, I am just engaging them in conversation. I am a writer. I am a speaker. I don’t want to be a boring conversationalist. I approach a conversation with strength and conviction, not with intent to “get the panties”. I just don’t want to bore my conversation parter to death.

I have the hardest time making advances on women. I have no idea how to do so, and have hardly any idea what the hell I am trying to do once I start my attempt.

Every party, every event, every fun time I have had while out, I have simply been entertaining. Never actively seeking to make an advance on, or in pursuit of, any one. I’m simply amusing. I have either been in a relationship at the time, taking care of my drunk friends, DJing, wasted myself, or too oblivious to know someones trying to hit on me.

I am not the brightest knife in the crayon shed, and when it comes to meeting women, my IQ drops another 40 points. That’s why I give such great advice. “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach”.

When I am approached by someone I have no idea what is happening. By the time I find out what’s going on, it is already to late and they have already moved on to the next guy. Being dumbfound makes for easy defeat. You have got to stay on your toes.

In fact, if it wasn’t for a very few, very blunt, accounts of getting approached by women I would probably be forever single. Seriously; they pretty much had to spell it out for me. And it is not about being so damn oblivious, it is simply the fact that I never expect to get hit on. Ever. And when I try to chat someone up, I takes me forever to grow the balls, only to get castrated onces I actually try.

I said all of that so say this; if you know me in a social situation, you probably think I fuck a lot. I do not. Period. I am social. Legitimately social. Platonic interactions with members of the opposite sex are still reasonable, respectable, & possible. People can hang out without having their thangs out. But, sometimes, great things happen.

Somehow being a social butterfly, ADHD Magic nerd, & kinda cute, got transformed into being a lady killer. Not happening. Not a lady killer. I’m still a giant geek inside, and I have a difficult time knowing what to say to women.

I get nervous. I forget what I want to say. I get tongue tied. I drop the ball. I have been rejected way more than I have been accepted. I don’t have a phone full of numbers or an inbox full of booty-calls. There is nothing wrong with trying. If you don’t try, you’ve already failed. Do not revert to a giant baby if things do not work out the way you would have liked.

We all have a safe zones, but there is little room for romantic exchanges when you are playing it safe. For example; I am better in a group than I am in a one on one. I find that it is easier for me to entertain a group. If you’ve ever hung out with my friends & I, you have seen it….I can entertain a group, pretty well.

In a dating situation it is not about entertaining in the same sense; there is a lot more to it. Sure, you want to make her laugh. You want to let her get to know you, but you also want your intentions to be made clear: “I am seeking a romantic exchange. I do not want to be just a friend, but also your lover.”

Also, beware of your normal hangouts. If you hang in groups, and you like someone within said group, you always run the risk of ending up in the dreaded friend zone. Well, think about it this way; while you are in the “friend zone” with about 5 or so women, I am in the “brother zone” with about 20 women. Think about that and smile for yourself. Those are 20 less women for me to even THINK about. Playing it safe will get you friends; not a date.

In a group I can turn my “swag” on and get some laughs, make an awkward situation less so by being “cool”, when actually I am just nervous and overly observant. On a date turning your swag on isn’t aways funny, it may possibly come across as disingenuous, and even cocky. Get a good feel for your situation, know when it is time to get out; when it is time to try harder, and know when it is time to simply relax.

Confidence is the appearance of being certain. It is the appearance of knowing/ feeling you will be victorious. Appearing confident is not the hard part. Dress well, clean up, smell good, smile, and annunciate when you speak. The hard part of appearing confident is when you know that deep inside, you are feeling as awkward as the leading man in any romantic comedy and no where near as cool.

If you approach a woman keep in mind, she may just reject the fuck out of you. But do not fret about it, try someone different. If one woman rejects you, so what? She rejected you…and? What does it matter? You tried. She could have said yes. Maybe someone else will say yes at a later time. At this point you are learning what works and what does not work. And; awkward feelings aside, you will have to try, or you will never grow. You have to be blunt, direct; cut and dry.

When you really think about it, which is more awkward: being infatuated with someone you have befriended, & living a lie? Or, saying tits or gtfo when you know you wouldd be wasting that persons time lying to them and claiming to be a friend when you just want to play tonsil hockey?

You can not afford to give yourself an out when it comes to your feelings, or you could end up sitting next to the girl of your dreams as only a friend, wishing you would have told her how you felt long ago.

You have to know what is worth sacrificing for love/ like/ infatuation, or you may ruin a great friendship forever. Just know that if you attempt to pick up a friend, the consequences will never be the same.

And in no way does this mean you can not just be friends if nothing works out, but is being “just friends” something you can really handle?

Just remember; you win some, you lose some. You run the risk of embarrassment if you try hitting on someone. It does not matter. If you think they are worth your time, you have to try. Risking embarrassment also means you have a chance of success. So get out there and pursue happiness! Do your best, keep your head up; keep your nose clean, and maybe you will get the girl of your dreams.